Two Weeks I Can’t Ever Get Back

Two words…Viral Meningitis…I hope all of you never ever have to hear or even worse experience.  Friday August 15th I was admitted to Jupiter Medical Center for 6 days diagnosed with Viral Meningitis.  For those of you who don’t know…there are two kinds of Meningitis.  One that will Kill you (Bacterial) and one that will make you wish you were dead (Viral), I had the latter of the two…Lucky Me.

It started like a flu, then moved to a headache, then a real bad headache, then a headache that exceeded any pain I have ever experienced nonstop.  Couldn’t be dulled with normal drugs.  While in the emergency room, I was scanned with just about every scanning type of machine they had.  Finally the doc came in and asked how my pain was only to find out that there was no relief from the wimpy drugs they were pumping in me, so he put me on a Morphine drip.  Finally some relief.  I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep…miserable.  I lost a total of 25lbs in the process, gained about 7 back when I started eating again.  However, I wouldn’t recommend the “Meningitis Diet.”  Not a reliable or encouraged, or healthy option, but it works.

One thing I learned out of this process though is that I value life a lot more than I realize.  I couldn’t see or hold my newborn daugther for a week.  There is much that i haven’t done, haven’t started, and haven’t finished yet.  I knew I wasn’t going to die once the doctors told me what I had, but just the word Meningitis freaked me out enough.  I’m just not ready.

Thanks to those of you who were praying for me and my family through this tough time.  I’m up and moving, walking and talking, but still suffer from NO ENERGY.  Walking across the room makes me tired, if I don’t get 3 meals a day I am worthless, and I am constantly dehydrated.  Pray for my wife Sami and our daughter Tessa.  Sami has had to take care of an infant, and an adult who was just about as helpless as an infant for these two weeks.  She needs me to be better so that I can help with Tess and also work so that we have income.  Also, now that I work at the church, I haven’t been around to fulfill my obligations there for 2 weekends.  I am excited to get back into it…I need to, its good for my soul to lead worship and play music.

Anyways, that’s all for  now.

Keeping Up

For those of you who have “reprimanded” me for my lack of blogging prowess and blog upkeep…I’m sorry.  I can see that this thing is going to take time and energy, which I have little of both these days, or ever.  Time management has never been my strength not only because I am a procrastinator, but also because my attention span is quite contingent on my surroundings.  I don’t really have A.D.D. that I know of, but ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that keeping my attention is difficult.  I don’t know if that is a character flaw or just the way I am.  Just as I wrote that last sentence my mind went to a different place.  So follow me on a rabbit trail for a sec…

That kind of sounded like an excuse, “just the way I am.”  I never want to justify my shortcomings, although easy, with excuses.  If there is a character flaw that I am aware of, or not aware of, I really desire to focus on that and “grow” through the challenges of facing my own “crap.”  So anyways, when I wrote, ” or just the way I am,” in my first paragraph I remembered all the times I have and other people I know have justified their shortcomings with some lame excuse like that.  I don’t want to be that guy.  That is where my rabbit trail came from.

My time lately has been eaten up faster than I can even keep up with.  That isn’t a “poor me” complaint, just fact.  However, most of my “lack of time” is self inflicted.  I have a full time job, (necessary for family) a part time job, (necessary for me) and a new born baby girl that I don’t get to see enough because of the two jobs.  Somewhere in there my wife and I are trying to reconnect after 9 months of a difficult pregnancy, and now trying to figure out what being married looks like with a child in our lives.  I also desire to be great at whatever I do which puts an incredible amount of stress on me.  Not to mention that I do a lot of things that I am good at, but not great at.   I created that stress, and I created the busyness, it is all a product of my choices, so I am just learning how to deal with my reality.

I am really fighting the reality that getting older brings.  I know that I am not that old, 26, but man I feel like I am way older.  Its not as easy to keep in shape, though “shape” is subjective.  Its not as easy to stay up late, get up early, eat well, work out, practice all the instruments that I play so that I am a little better than mediocre at them, continue to be “good” at the sports I used to play…blah, blah, blah I know!  I can’t do  it all anymore.  I have to choose what I want to be good at and let the rest go, but I am really struggling with that.  “I used to be able to…” is the most depressing comment.  All of us have to define what in our lives we want to run after and what in our lives we have to release to the past.  Now don’t get me wrong, I will always love playing basketball for 3 hours on friday nights, playing flag football in leagues, playing golf with good friends, water skiing/wakeboarding, snowboarding…etc whatever I used to do to keep my competitive edge sharp and my A.D.D. satisfied, but I have to realize and accept that I’m not going to be the best.  There is always someone younger, better, faster, stronger…I am just rambling and being vulnerable at the same time.  Bottom line, I’m struggling with my ever changing reality.

I’m learning how to blog still, so sorry for the long boring entry, I will try to update more consistently so I don’t ramble so long.

later.

Blog Bandwagon

Well…here I go, jumping on the quintessential, stereotypical blogging bandwagon.  I always fancied myself an outside the box, boundary pushing, ragamuffin outlaw.  However, recently I find myself really envying/coveting/just wanting some pretty trendy things.  I really want a macbook pro…again pretty stereotypical “creative musician/worship guy.”  Also I would love an iphone, luckily the only thing that keeps me from getting one (besides my wife rolling her eyes and shaming me) is that I hate AT&T, I think that the anti-christ might come from that company!  OK, a little extreme, I have to apologize for my thought process.  I don’t really have a delay editor for my thoughts when I write or speak for that matter.  If it pops into my head, its coming out, usually in the form of verbal vomit.  Sometimes, however, some pretty cool things might come out.  It would be nice if I had a “on deck” circle for my thoughts, unfortunately its usually just “BATTER UP!” I’m probably not as bad as I make myself out to be.  ANYWAYS! Back to my G.A.S. My good friend Joe Cromey’s wife, Tina, introduced me to this acronym.  Gear Acquisition Syndrome.  Pretty accurate for you musicians out there or even those of you who are gadget addicts.

So…I’ll try this blog thing.  I don’t really know how to advertise it or even make it available to my friends or even the world.  If nothing else, I could use a place to discharge my thoughts.  It gets pretty messy in my head if I don’t get to externally process.  So we’ll try it.  Thanks for listening.

Later.